


Still Beautiful. Still Castiel

by theArcane



Series: Destiel AUs/Oneshots [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Canon Rewrite, Canonical Character Death, Castiel Confesses Feelings for Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Humanity (Supernatural), Castiel Needs Love (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester Reunion, Castiel and Dean Winchester Reunion in Heaven, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Comfort, Confessions, Dean Winchester Confesses Feelings for Castiel, Dean Winchester Says "I Love You", Dean Winchester in Heaven, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotionally Repressed, Emotionally Repressed Dean Winchester, Episode AU: s15e20 Carry On, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, First Kiss, Fix-It, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, POV Dean Winchester, Past Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Past Cassie Robinson/Dean Winchester, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Post-Season/Series 15, Repressed Dean Winchester, Self-Hatred, Series Finale, Spoilers for Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28199385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theArcane/pseuds/theArcane
Summary: After Dean dies, he finally finds Castiel in heaven. It is now his turn to confess his true feelings for the angel.ORDean and Cas reunite in heaven with confessions, tears and kisses.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel AUs/Oneshots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2071791
Comments: 10
Kudos: 128





	Still Beautiful. Still Castiel

**Author's Note:**

> So I rewrote cas' confession scene in dean's confession. Ofc it isn't as beautiful, but I tried my best.

He had made it. He had _finally_ made it. In heaven. _Or was it?_ It could be hell too. Maybe Rowena was just playing him, making him believe that this was his heaven, when in reality, it will turn out to be hell all along. That will make more sense. This was too perfect to be true. A heaven where all the walls were down? And Bobby, Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Kevin, everyone was here? He can believe all that. But Bobby ( _or fake Bobby?_ ) told him that Cas was here too? _Cas?_ There was no way Dean was getting all that. There was no way Dean _deserved_ all that.

So he simply drove around, not knowing what to do or where to go. If Cas was indeed here, how the hell was he supposed to find him? Could angels and humans even meet in heaven? And why hasn't Cas come to him yet? Especially after what he told Dean the last time they met. _I love you.._

No. It was still too tough to think about it. Ever since Cas' confession and simultaneous death, Dean had tried to repress those last moments as hard as he can. Because thinking about it caused too much pain. 

Dean looked at the endless fields stretch beyond him and the sun shining above. But he still drove. _Was this his personal hell? Driving around forever, ridden with guilt, searching for his angel, but never reaching his destination?_

As soon as Bobby had said that _Cas helped_ , Dean had gotten up. 

_"I have to go" He had said._

_"But what about Ellen and Jo? They're waiting inside."_

_"They can wait a bit more."_

Maybe this was futile. Maybe Cas was like Jack now, too celestial to involve with humans. Or maybe he had simply stopped caring about Dean. Because if he had indeed been back all this time, why didn't he come down to earth to visit them? That doesn't sound like Cas.

He finally stopped when he reached a bridge. The water beneath him was too beautiful to just pass by. He stepped out of his car, stood on the edge of the bridge and looked down. There was no way hell could come up with something so beautiful and peaceful. This _was_ heaven. This was Dean's heaven _without_ Castiel and that made it worse than a thousand hells. 

"Hello, Dean." 

Dean couldn't believe his ears. There was no way.. after all this time. No, was it a demon? A shapeshifter? He had been searching for Cas since a long time, but now that the angel was finally here, facing a demon seemed easier to Dean.

Dean took a deep breath and spun around. He looked at the angel standing in front of him, still wearing his old trenchcoat. The blue eyes still piercing into Dean's soul. Still beautiful. Still _Castiel_. 

"Where the hell have you been?" Dean said the first words that came to his mind. 

"Heaven." 

"Yeah? I can see that, Cas. I meant where the _hell_ have you been all this time?" 

"I.. I don't think I was ready to face you yet." 

Dean sighed. "It's _me_ , Cas. One would expect their friend to greet them in heaven." 

Cas looked at his feet, not saying anything. 

"Or to visit me on Earth or at least give me _one_ sign that he was back. That he wasn't suffering in the Empty so that I could sleep peacefully at night." Dean continued, his temper rising. 

"I told you, Dean. I wasn't ready to face you."

"So you can tell me you love me and sacrifice your life for me, but now you are suddenly shy?" 

"It's not that.." Cas muttered.

"Then _what_ is it?" 

"After Jack brought me back, I thought about visiting you and Sam. I saw you from a distance and you.. you seemed happy. You were trying to get your life together. So I waited. I thought that maybe you will mourn me one day, ask Jack about me, or even pray to me in your desperation. But there was nothing. Sam mentioned me once or twice, but not you. You seemed to have truly moved on. So I let you be." 

_Were there tears in Cas' eyes?_ Dean's felt his own eyes fill. He was responsible for the angel's pain, _again_. "Damn it, Cas! You can't keep doing this to me." 

Cas took a step closer, his eyes filled with a mixture of concern and fear. "Dean.." He said softly. 

"You said all those words to me that day. Words I never expected to hear from anyone for me, least of all you! And then you _just.._ One moment you were there, next you're not. And I am alone on the floor the whole night, sobbing like I've never before. You shattered me that day, Cas. So of course I pushed it all down. Your words, your fall, everything. I have barely kept it together since then. And if I had started thinking about it, if I had started _mourning_ you or _praying_ to you, I would have broken into a thousand pieces." 

Cas simply kept looking at him. They were standing close now, with only an inch of a distance between them. It reminded Dean of the early days when he had to teach the angel about _personal space._

"I am sorry, Dean." He finally said, looking away. "Every time I try to help you, I make everything worse for you." 

_Holy fuck_. Dean could already feel his heart breaking all over again. "Cas, hey, you listen to me. I have to say this." He reached out and took the angel's face in his hands, forcing him to meet Dean's eyes. "I always wondered, ever since I cane into this life, what my true happiness could even look like. I tried to find an answer in Cassie, in Lisa, in Benny. But I couldn't. Because the one thing I want.. it's something I thought wasn't even capable of feeling that way. But I know now. Happiness was never in having you, it was just in being around you. It was in just saying it. And I never got to."

"Dean.. you don't have to do this." 

"I know how you see yourself, Cas. You never see yourself the way I see you. You think you're broken, a fallen angel. You don't think you deserve our love. So you just give and give, trying to prove that you are worthy and we kept taking. We never told you how much you meant to us. I never told you how much you mean to me. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done it for us, for humanity. You rebelled against heaven. You fought your brothers and sisters. For humanity. That is who you are. You are the most selfless, generous and compassionate person I know. You are more human to me than all the other human beings I have ever met. You know, ever since we met, ever since you pulled me out of hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you believed, I believed. You changed me, Cas."

"Dean.. _please_." Cas whispered. 

Dean didn't know what he was begging for, but he was ready to give it all. He leaned down so that their foreheads were touching. He said softly, "I love you, Cas."

Dean didn't know who finally closed the distance, but their lips were on each other, refusing to part. They consumed each other, letting out years of pent up desire and want. Castiel's lips were soft and rough at the same time, soothing and bruising, giving and taking. Neither of them held back. Their hands roamed all over each other, touching, _exploring.._

Dean finally pulled apart when he felt like there was no breath left in him. 

"What you said to me was beautiful." Cas said, looking as flushed out as Dean. 

Dean smirked at him. "Well I basically just plagiarized your words." 

"But you meant it, right?" 

Dean kissed his cheek softly, making the angel blush. "No. I confess my fake feelings to my best friends all the time to fuck with them." 

Cas continued looking confused. Dean rolled his eyes. There was a lot to teach him still. _There'd be plenty of time for that_ , he thought happily. "Can we stop talking about this sappy shit and go back to doing _that?_ " 

Cas captured his lips with his own again and once again the angel and hunter were drowning in each other. 

_This is heaven,_ Dean's feelings confirmed for a second time. Because there was no way any demon could make..this. They could put a fake Bobby, a fake Impala, _but_ _Cas.._ Cas was only his. _Only Dean's_. Always beautiful. Always Cas. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos or comments if you liked it!! It means a lot xoxo


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